I don’t know if it’s just my family or a cultural thing, but I’ve noticed that the struggles of being the youngest child often get overlooked. It’s always about the eldest carrying the burden, but no one talks about the emotional toll it takes when the eldest moves out, starts their own family, and leaves the youngest behind to take care of aging parents.
For years, I’ve been the one at home, taking care of them, and it’s hard not to feel guilty when I have my own family and life to manage too. The mental and physical exhaustion we carry often goes unnoticed. I’m grateful that I get to care for my parents, but sometimes I just wish my older siblings would ask if I’m okay, instead of making it all about them when I try to express how I feel.
At the same time, I just want to be able to live my own life and make decisions without constantly feeling guilty. It’s tough to want independence while still being responsible for everything at home. I love my parents, and I don’t want to abandon them, but I also want to live my own life, and not always feel like I have to choose between the two.
Has anyone else felt this way? I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences.
Hiya! As the youngest child, I too have felt that way especially when I was discussing what my future might look like with my partner since he’s from overseas. I feel quite guilty knowing that my parents, especially my mother, would be at home alone for most of her days. For now, I wouldn’t say I have a caretaker’s level of mental and physical exhaustion but small bits and parts of it have started taken a toll on me as they only have me as an outlet besides each other.
I think feeling that guilt is natural since you’re the last one to leave but yeah, it’s definitely hard to think about. At the end of the day, know and do what is best for you. Maybe you could share how you feel with your parents, I’m sure they’d want the best for you too!
Thank you for sharing such an honest post. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, balancing your love and responsibility for your parents with your need for independence. Many people in similar caregiving roles, especially as the youngest sibling, can relate to the emotional toll you’re feeling.
It’s okay to set boundaries and ask for support when you need it. You deserve to be heard and take care of yourself too. Open communication with your siblings might help them better understand your experience. You’re doing important work, and it’s okay to want both independence and the ability to care for your parents.
We’re here if you need support or just want to talk.
youngest of 5 and i feel this. everyone’s always like “oh you’re the baby, you have it easy” but nah, it’s not like that. when the older ones move out, it’s like everything gets dumped on us. taking care of the parents, keeping the house together, all while trying to live our own lives?? it’s A LOT.
and yeah, the guilt hits hard. like i love my parents and wanna be there for them but it’s tough when you’re trying to do your own thing and no one else seems to get it. older sibs could step in more but instead they’re like, “you’re still home, so you got this.” bruh no i don’t.
you’re not alone in this. we out here, surviving and doing our best.
thank you for this, not sure if i have the courage to do so but i’ll definitely share it with my parents when i have the guts.
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