Im so bad at expressing feelings. A person who was born to keep everything to herself since no one would understand. Ive been writing my own feelings since 2022 in my e-notes just to let go the untold feelings. Life is not easy to make people understand, the one that you believe the most, the one you rely on but unable to understand and everything will be on me. Questioning myself most of the time, am i that bad? Where all of my kindness that i showed? Gone? Keep getting the blame. Am i the one to be blamed? Even thats not coming from me? Im tired of being someone who gives everything and get nothing but hurt in return. I just need someone to understand me. Just bit of attention and understanding. I stopped myself to go to professional because i believe im okay and able to go through the hurdles. But at the end of the day questioning myself and blame myself is main thing to do
I relate to this more than i want to admit. I also grew up thinking no one would understand so it felt safer to stay quiet but keeping everything in eventually starts to hurt more. For me, no one in my family or friends could really be that safe space so i ended up seeing a therapist because it just got too much to handle. all that kindness got stepped on. I kept giving and giving and the only thing that came back was hurt. I really hope you find even one person who makes you feel safe to be honest.
hey @stardust , thanks so much for opening up and putting these feelings into words - it takes a lot of strength to do that, esp when you’re used to keeping everything in. it sounds like you’ve been carrying so much on your own for so long and i just wanna say that your pain is valid & you’re def not alone!
i’m really sorry to hear that people you trusted and hoped would understand haven’t been able to meet you where you needed them. that kind of disappointment cuts deep, esp when you’ve given so much of yourself. questioning your worth after all the kindness you’ve shown isn’t a reflection of your failure… it’s just a sign of how much you’ve been hurt 
writing your feelings down since 2022 is a powerful way of coping, even if it doesn’t ‘solve’ everything. it shows that part of you is trying to heal. if you ever feel ready, reaching out to a professional doesn’t mean you’re weak or not okay; it just means you’re giving yourself the care you so freely give to others. you don’t have to keep carrying this alone.
you deserve understanding, attention, and kindness - not just from others but from yourself too. what’s one small thing you could offer yourself today, whether it’s a kind word, a moment of rest or a gentle reminder that you’re doing the best you can, even if it doesn’t feel like it? 
ya i always try to be nice and good to everyone but then people just ignore me or blame me… it hurts so much. i also keep everything inside bcoz nobody understands… i’m so tired too.
Appreciate for the replies! Nothing but bless even just bit of it could make me feels relieved. Other than that, how i can let go of this anger of unable to make things right for me or unable to make people understand me. The question is always can just someone be on my side like genuinely on my side? Such as when it comes to a situation they know how to handle and control you instead of payback just to make me feel how they feel. Like how?
ya i get you… sometimes you just want someone to be there, like really on your side, not make things worse. i also feel angry at myself bcoz i dunno how to explain or make ppl understand but honestly right, if you think about it, it’s not your fault also. you’re asking for support right… your not asking for too much. just someone to care properly and that’s not wrong.
the anger you’re feeling makes total sense. it’s hard when you keep giving your best but people sitll don’t understand or end up turning things back on you. that hurt runs deep and you’ve been holding it in for so long.
wanting someone to be on your side - to not judge, not react but just stand by you is something we all need. you’re asking for what every person deserves: support, safety and understanding. it can feel so rare but there are people out there who can provide that.
letting go of that anger isn’t about pretending it’s not there, but maybe about slowly releasing the part of it that you’ve had to carry for others. sometimes it helps to express it safely: through writing (like you’ve already been doing), through movement, or even just saying out loud, “this hurt me and i didn’t deserve that.” you don’t need to hold all of it inside to prove you’re strong.
you deserve someone who meets you with calm, not conflict and while it might take time to find that, please don’t stop believing that kind of support exists.
if someone were truly by your side right now, what’s one thing you wish they’d say or do for you?