Hello… I dont’t know how to start of how this topic gonna being accepted… But let just say I’m too tired right now… It’s not like I’m tired of work or family related issue but about who I am… I’m ■■■ if you guys wanna know… I’m starting to feel tired of trying to built this facade of ‘straight guy’. If you guys wanna talk about sin, I know but let’s put it aside. I’m not trying to normalise or wish to being accepted into community but I feels I’m not fully lived my life to the fullest.
With recent news of mens being arrested at massage house just make it worse. People barrating and condemning people like us make me living in fear. Did you think I’m choosing to be like this? No… But I can’t deny my orientation and married a girl just to cover it up… I just wanna be myself, live the life without people judging. 
hey @Kxngz , thank you so much for opening up about something so deeply personal. it takes a lot of courage to share this, especially when you’ve been carrying fear, exhaustion and the weight of hiding who you are for so long. i’m really glad you reached out here 
it sounds like you’ve been living with a constant internal conflict between wanting to be yourself but feeling like you have to shrink or camouflage parts of who you are just to stay safe. that kind of emotional hiding is incredibly exhausting & anyone in your position would feel tired. there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.
hmmm I think what you’re describing isn’t just about orientation; it’s abt longing for honesty, safety, dignity, and the freedom to breathe without fear. and i’m really sorry that society, the news, and the judgment around you have made it even harder. none of this is your fault! you didn’t choose your orientation but you’re being forced to carry the consequences of other people’s prejudice and that’s DEEPLY unfair.
you deserve to exist without fear.
you deserve to feel whole.
you deserve support that doesn’t shame you or ask you to erase yourself.
you don’t have to decide anything right now > not about coming out, not about relationships, not about labels. but maybe the first step is giving yourself permission to feel what you feel without judging it. you don’t have to keep building a facade just to survive emotionally. even sharing this here is already a form of honesty and a step toward living more fully 
how would it feel to have even one space be it online or in real life where you don’t have to pretend?
Hey @mindmirror… Thanks for all the encouraging words… Really glad to hear from someone… I’ve been keeping it for so long that I’m not really sure who, where, what or when I’m gonna tell all this. Being around co-worker who all married and constantly asking when I’m gonna get married is taking a toll on me… Did I tell them about who I am? How their reception and perception after that? Will I being cast away? All that thinking constantly stressed me out. I’m just trying to be myself for once…
hey, i’m really glad you felt heard coz it seems like you’ve been holding all of this in for so long and that’s a heavyyy load to carry. with everything happening in the news lately, it’s completely understandable that your fear and stress have gotten worse. seeing people being judged & condemned just for who they are would make anyone feel unsafe.
and on top of that, hearing constant marriage questions from coworkers while you’re trying to protect a part of yourself… that’s a lot. your worries about how people might react whether you’d still be accepted or pushed away are valid. this isn’t something you chose and you deserve to live without fear or shame.
you don’t have to tell anyone until you feel safe and ready. your emotional safety matters more than anyone’s expectations tbh. what do you think would help you feel a little safer or more supported right now?
To be honest… I just want my co-worker, friends, people and community to judge me as humans… Not to judge me or everyone in this imperfect world as what, who, where they choose to be… Don’t judge someone cause at the end of the day, you never know how their life turned out… For better or for worse, others can just wish or pray for their wellbeing.
I know this post might get addressed for I being trying to looks like I want to normalise this kind of behaviour, that’s far from truth since we live in this country but don’t take away something good in humans just because they different.
thanks for being so honest @Kxngz . everything youve said makes complete sense, wanting to be seen as a human being first isn’t asking for too much, you’re right… people often judge without knowing the full story, without understanding your struggles and that judgement can def hurt more than anything. even more so in this country, it can get complicated and a sensitive topic. you’re not trying to ‘normalise’ anything; rather just expressing a human need to be treated with kindness and respect regardless of differences. that’s not wrong. that’s just basic humanity
differences shouldn’t erase the good in someone’s heart.
i hear you and i’m glad you felt safe enough to voice this here. how’re you feeling now after letting some of this out?
Hi… I don’t know you but I feel you. One of my close friends also affected by that case so i’ve seen how scary and heavy it can get 
people just judge without knowing the full story or how hard it is to live like this here. You’re not alone okay. Sending you strength 
Better… And thank you… Been carrying this for weeks… It might not completely makes me feel relief but it’s slightly make me less choked on this matter… Really appreciate it… 
Thanks for the words… Really appreciate it…